One Year Has Gone

I can’t believe it’s one year since Julie passed away, though I suspect it’s because I feel like I’ve lived the same day over 365 times, so every day feels just like happened yesterday. Still, sometimes I wake up, usually on a weekend when I’ve woken without an alarm and I’m sure Julie’s still here, then I look around and it floods back. The next thing I know it’s lunchtime and am still in the same spot.

For a month now I think we have all been dreading the day, but when it came it was another non-event, just came and went with no one wanting to talk about it for fear of going backwards. We are now used to the old two steps forward, one step back, but it’s very exhausting.

Yesterday we decided to all go to the watch the car racing to mark the first day of year two and try to get distracted, but to be honest it didn’t work and we all left early and today we have decided to just go our own separate ways which has been a good idea at least for me, I need to reset before Monday comes around and I have things to do which is still my saviour.

Lets see how things go in year two, I’m still determined to do everything I can to go forward as a family, but the hardest thing is I just can’t be Mum and Dad, that giant hole in our lives will never be filled.