Finding New Energy

A couple of weeks ago, I looked out onto the garden which had been sadly neglected during the two years of Julie’s chemotherapy and knew at some point I would need to get out there and do something about it. The problem which was later to become the solution was that it was Julie’s favorite place to sit and watch the birds, our breeding pair of magpie’s and especially the parrots when they come to visit and to read and try to find the energy to fight on. There were simply too many memories out there, going back forty years since we built the house and every time I tried to get started, I’d find a reason to stop and then the recent storms had left the place looking like scene from Twister.

Anyway, as I said this became the solution when I realised that if Julie can see what’s going on here then nothing’s really changed and I would always try to keep the garden looking good so she could enjoy it and if I want to sit out there in the evening and feel her presence, then it better be somewhere she would like to be so I better get cracking. Armed with a new saw and a stack of garden sacks I set to work with a spark I hadn’t felt for months. Thirty sacks and four tip runs later we have our garden back to where it should be, but the thing I want to do is continue to change and not get stuck in past memories, so a simple thing like changing the colour of the decking and getting some new plants has made it feel even better and I’m sure Julie will approve. I’m sure I’ll be able to go out there now and be at peace and enjoy the memories and make some new ones.

This will not be the first time the garden has saved the day for me, some thirty years ago, after losing both parents and a baby in one year, I struggled to make sense of everything and lost my business because I could no longer focus. In the darkest times I would go and sit out there and water the plants and look for answers. With the peace of the garden the answer came, to channel my anger and start again and don’t ever stop and to do my job and look after my family. Sounds simple enough but those next couple of years were the hardest of all and I hoped I would never find myself here again.

This has been more than just about a garden, but a next small step in our ‘Plan B Life’ where we have to reinvent ourselves. This time around the pain is more than ever but I refuse to lose focus and make things worse, I have a great supportive family and I’m too old to waste time now.

Yearly Visitors

A change of colour