Grief Does Have a Place

I always knew the Relay for Life would be a challenge and that perhaps getting involved this year might not be the best idea, but you don’t know if you don’t try, I guess. The first half of this blog is being written at 5pm on the day of the relay and I’m still at home. The reason is that the night before I had a very vivid dream which I think I have managed to piece together now after waking up in a sweat. I think the trigger for the dream was a Facebook memory which popped up from six years ago flying into Afghanistan for the first time, suddenly I was back there but this time with Julie and we were hiding in a large old building and soldiers were coming and we needed to run but Julie was sick and couldn’t move very quickly. This went on for what seemed like an eternity but finally we made it to a car and drove off but as I turned to Julie she had passed away in the back. After waking up I lay there and the reality of life came rushing back and then the thought of getting up early the next day for the relay was just too much. I keep having dreams where I’m searching the house for Julie but never find her so I assume this is just more of the same. Anyway, I am determined to go to the relay tonight at 8pm and meet some friends and try to get past this, the second part of this blog I will try to do at midnight when it’s over and I’m home and it’s still fresh.

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It’s almost midnight and we’re home, turns out it was quiet a nice evening surrounded by people who have all suffered from cancer in one way or another, either having it, surviving it or caring for someone. The weather was cold but nice and I enjoyed watching Sean and Emily being DJ’s for the final couple of hours and with the company of two very special friends the night was so much better than it might have been, so I’m very grateful for that. What I am learning now is that there’s no pattern to grief, it comes and goes as it pleases, it’s not something you can prepare for, but recognising it when it comes is half the battle in keeping it in its place, as it does have a place with all the other emotions, so I will try to acknowledge that and let it have space when it needs it, whilst making sure it doesn’t get too big for its boots. 

DJ Sean

DJ Emily

Piper leads a candlelight lap of the oval in memory of those lost.