Easter Broken

Like all events the first Easter without Julie was always going to be a challenge, but I thought a family break at the beach even in autumn would be just the thing. We rented a very nice, large air b&b home literally on the beachfront and took enough supplies for a small army. In my mind I was going to enjoy an Easter break from the house and work and really chill out for a few days smelling the sea air.

For the kids, I think it went pretty well and all seemed to have enjoyed the various activities around the island. Unfortunately and unexpectedly for me, it wasn’t to be what I imagined. I unloaded the car and went to put my gear in my bedroom and found it to be almost a replica of the last room Julie and I shared on our final trip to the Grampians, just before she passed. All I could see was her lying in bed trying to get the energy to get up for a short while and join the rest of the family. In an instance I had gone back to almost day one with all of the thoughts I had managed to put away coming back in a huge wave. All weekend I struggled to hold myself together but my mind just kept drifting off to darker thoughts.

I left early today to come home and try to beat the traffic and get back to my safe space where I can somewhat control my emotions in familiar surroundings. All I can do now is start again, after 7 months I feel like I’ve got nowhere, I guess this is what happens.

Julie always loved the beach and I find it a good place to go and talk to her now. The two photos on the right I took at midnight, it’s a good place and time to feel natures energy and clear your head before bed